how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
