how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
