yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
