I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
