i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
