How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
