I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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