just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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