if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just invented taco cereal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
