I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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