Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
