The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
