Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
