Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
