What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
