So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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