tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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