You smell like a Billy Joel song
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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