please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
