how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
