you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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