She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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