I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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