I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
