She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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