Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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