is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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