I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
