dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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