I got chris browned last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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