Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
