i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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