we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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