Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
