if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
