Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
