Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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