I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
