Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
