I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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