Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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