There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
