party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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