He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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