I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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