I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
