well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
be right there i have to get my cape
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
