Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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