If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
