Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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