I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
