He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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